At the midway point of my career, I decided to survey the job market. I was largely content in my role at the time, but I wanted to know what else was out there. My approach was typical. First, I wrote down a list of firms that seemed to align with my professional goals. Then, if I knew a lawyer at one of those workplaces, I tried to book an informal meeting with that connection. The standard advice in that situation is to adopt the persona of a tenacious salesperson, diligently following up on each invitation until your contact accepts it. In some instances, I did exactly that.
Case in point: During that period, I reached out to a partner at a boutique. We’d met on a file a few years back, so I asked if we could talk about my career and a potential job shift. He attempted to decline, telling me that his firm had no plan to hire anyone and that he couldn’t offer much guidance. But I insisted that I wanted to meet. After a few emails back and forth, he agreed to get together at a Starbucks in about a week.
The day arrived. He showed up late, ordered an orange juice (he apparently didn’t drink coffee), sat down and shot me a look of profound confusion. He promptly reiterated what he had told me over email: he had no idea how to help. What came next was a brisque and uncomfortable conversation. Once he left, I knew it had gone very badly.
Not long after, a spot opened up at the boutique. Based on the job description, I was a strong candidate. I threw my name into the mix. Unfortunately, I didn’t even get a response to my application. I’ll never know for certain, but I suspect that my Starbucks blunder was a factor. The partner I met with might have told his colleagues, “That’s the guy who forced me to have coffee with him even when we had nothing to talk about. It was totally awkward.” He’d have been right.
That episode taught me a valuable lesson: when networking for a job, persistence can backfire. It’s a surprising fact. In business development, after all, persistence is an undeniable virtue. If a potential client ignores your initial outreach, a consistent round of follow-up messages is often necessary to land a meeting. You may even impress the client with your hard-nosed determination. If you badger a fellow lawyer in the same way, however, you’re now a nuisance. Across the legal world, it’s a serious faux pas to waste another lawyer’s time.
When someone asks me out to coffee to ask about my practice, I tend to accept. In my view, it’s almost always worth the effort. I’ve also benefited from networking throughout my career, so I want to pay that generosity forward. But plenty of lawyers feel differently. You should, for the most part, leave those people alone.
It’s not terribly hard. If you write to a partner at another firm, hoping to learn about the operation, that person may write back: “Thanks for the kind note, but I’m not sure I have any wisdom to share.” Or: “We’re not hiring, but you can watch our website for future postings.” Take the hint. Don’t push the partner into an encounter as pointless and self-sabotaging as my Starbucks debacle.
Instead, book a coffee with a lawyer who does want to speak with you. Then focus your attention on something far more important than persistence: preparation for the meeting itself. It’s not a formal interview, so you don’t need to bring along a polished resumé, cover letter, list of references or law-school transcripts. Your objective, simply put, is to come across as curious and thoughtful. Read up on the lawyer’s career. Rely on that research to ask smart questions and lead a substantive conversation.
A brief note on tone. You might be tempted to flatter your contact. Perhaps by saying: “I admire you so much. You’re absolutely amazing. I want to be just like you.” That can ring false. Here’s a better way to convey the same idea: “I wanted to meet with you because you have the kind of legal practice that I’m working toward. Would you mind telling me how you built it and what you’ve learned along the way?” Show genuine interest, in other words, not gushing admiration.
As the conversation winds down, remember that the lawyer’s time is valuable. Let the meeting conclude at its natural endpoint. Don’t forget to send a polite thank-you note by the next day. Ideally, you’ll have made a fine first impression. If a suitable job becomes available down the line, the lawyer is bound to recall the conversation and think of you as a potential candidate. That’s the true purpose of networking: to make a meaningful connection that may pay off later. Eventually, I figured that out.
Daniel Waldman is a partner at Dickinson Wright LLP. He writes about career satisfaction and business development for Precedent.