Many young lawyers are looking for their first car. If you’re considering a “previously enjoyed” vehicle, I’ve compiled this list of cars you should, ahem, steer clear of.
Top of the list, the Hyundai Pony. Truth is, you’re unlikely to find a used Pony for sale. Still, I feel compelled to warn against this car. Although wildly popular when introduced in Canada, it has become a car the Soviet Politburo decided didn’t exist. That is to say, you probably won’t find one on a used car lot.
Who or what disappeared the Pony? The car had many problems. In particular, it had trouble with road salt. Unlike “Pepa” from the 80’s girl rap duo, the Pony did get on well with salt. This made for problems in Canadian winters. So, if you come across one for sale, “gidap” away from it.
Next, a 2005 Porsche Carrera GT (pictured above). Why shouldn’t you get this car, young lawyer? It’s the nearly perfect vehicle. It looks incredible, performs like a fighter-jet, and is very exclusive. It is also listed on AutoTrader.ca, second-hand, at $595,000. Even if a bank was prepared to lend you that money (and one probably is), does it really seem like a responsible decision? No. No it doesn’t.
Next, the car known colloquially as the cruck, I favour the pompous majesty of the car’s Christian name: El Camino! The El Camino is car up front, pick-up truck in back. You may think you’re getting two cars for the price of one. What you’re buying is a mullet. While I acknowledge the world benefits from silliness, this is a car that shouldn’t have happened.
The final tip for cars to avoid is actually an entire category of vehicles: SUVs bearing a one-star rollover rating from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration? Unlike weeble-people, these vehicles have a track record of weebling and wobbling, and falling down. Avoid getting into one.
So there you have it, several second-hand cars I recommend you don’t get into. Even if it’s Billy Ocean urging you to join him in the car — don’t! Stay in his dreams. As uncomfortable as it may sound, stay in Billy Ocean’s dreams.
Paul Rand is a Toronto-based in-house capital markets lawyer who loves cars. At the time of publication, he has no demerit points on his licence.