I asked a colleague at the office what his plans were for Christmas and got a lecture that I’m not supposed to use the term “Christmas” because not everyone is Christian. Last time I checked the calendar, December 25 is still officially Christmas day and a statutory holiday. I find it insulting that the firm avoids the word. Sandra, please explain to me what is so offensive about that? —Angry Rudolf
I know. Last week I heard that Santa was no longer welcome at our neighbourhood mall in order not to offend anyone. And yet, our constitution, national anthem, laws and Parliamentary proceedings are heavily laden with Judaeo-Christian references, symbolism and terminology, which some might argue have no place in a modern multicultural secular state. There. I said it: multicultural. We are not just multicultural; we are multi-everything. Rudolf, your dilemma is not just a semantic one.
The other day, I offered a Muslim colleague a delicious mango-flavored gummy acquired on a recent trip to Hong Kong. “This is sooo good,” I gushed. “You have to try it.” Upon checking the label, my colleague declared that he could not eat it because it contained gelatin, usually code for “pork.” I must admit, I was momentarily annoyed, although I said nothing. I mean, how dare he pass up my pig candy? Fortunately, I realized how ignorant I was being and filed it under: Gelatin = pork = be careful with Muslim friends and colleagues. Probably saved me from future embarrassment.
Showing willingness to change one’s behaviour or to substitute a couple of words and wish people “Happy Holidays” is not just about semantics but about one’s willingness to make space for everyone. It’s about our readiness to go beyond tolerance and accommodation toward embracing the reality of the current workplace and society. It in no way harms or diminishes us to change our behaviour when it makes sense. That’s how we grow.
I get it, Rudolf. Really I do. But as long as they don’t cancel Christmas and we all get the time off, who cares what we call it? The irony is that in the collective consciousness Christmas is virtually devoid of any religious association. No one thinks anymore of a glowing baby Jesus and Mary in the manger warmed by the pestilential gases of farm animals (I can say these things, I’m Catholic).
It’s mostly about purchasing and receiving tons of useless crap that none of us really want or need and emerging blind and bloated into the light of the New Year after gorging ourselves during two weeks of prodigious, uninterrupted excess… not to mention the exponential negative impact on the environment. Bah, humbug.
Rudolf, if it makes you feel any better, you are technically right. You can be right and alienate most people in the room, or you can bend just a tiny bit and make a small concession that will cost you nothing but a Jeopardy point and potentially mean a whole lot to someone. Think of it as a gesture of goodwill for the season. What if we all decided that for one day this HOLIDAY SEASON, we would put away our maxed out credit cards and engage in some small unselfish act? Sniffles. Maybe wishing someone “Happy Holidays” can be your gesture, Rudolf.
Sandra Rosier is a former Supreme Court of Canada clerk who has worked at large firms in Toronto and Boston. Having come to her senses, Sandra currently works as a tax advisor at a Toronto-based organization. Her etiquette column for lawyers appears every other Monday at lawandstyle.ca. Got a question for Sandra? Email us.