February, the shortest month of the year, is always a busy one. First there’s Groundhog Day, then Valentine’s, not to mention the entire month being designated as Black History Month. February 19th also marked a very special occasion for Canadians: the first official visit by the Obama Administration. Here in Ottawa, we stopped working for a rare moment, clamoured to office windows with a view of Parliament, and hoped to sneak a peek of the man himself. We used high-powered lenses, digital video cameras, and projection screens. We were our own type of internal paparazzi. All the while, we docketed this time to ‘Office Administration’ – seems apropos, non?
Of course, there were several other really great, horrible, and bizarre-o randoms that happened during the previous month.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo – Health Canada is investigating whether to add acrylamide to its list of toxic substances. Acrylamide is the carcinogenic chemical created when starchy foods are cooked at high temperatures. Such beloved foods include: french fries, bread, and everything else right in the world. Health Canada is inviting comments on the recommendation until April 22. For the love of potato chips, say something!
Now That’s Craftsmanship [or] Unbeweaveable! – After being shot in the head by her jilted ex-lover, a 20-year-old woman in Kansas City is deeply indebted to her hairstylist. Turns out that the bullet became lodged in her tightly-woven hair weave, which completely protected her. Guns: 0. Hair weave: 1.
A True Fisherman’s Tale – British businessman, Andrew Cheatle, loses his phone while playing with his dog on the beach. After a couple of days of calling his phone to no avail, Andrew gives up and purchases a new one. Several days later, Andrew’s girlfriend receives a call from Glen Kerley, a local fisherman, who had just caught a 25-lb cod. After filleting the fish, he discovered Cheatle’s still-working (yet smelly) phone inside the codfish. The brand: Nokia.
Justice Now – A day after the acquittal of all three suspects in the murder of journalist, Anna Politskaya, the presiding judge orders to reopen the case! A well-respected and fiesty journalist, Politskaya was a vocal critic of Moscow’s involvement in the Chechen war. She was unafraid to document the numerous atrocities committed by Russian soldiers in Chechnya and was considered to be a threat to Russia’s financial elite. Her murder in 2006 is one of 16 murders of journalists critical of the Putin regime since 2000. Just last month a human rights lawyer and a 25-year old journalist were murdered exiting a news conference. Of the 16 cases, there has been only one conviction.
Taking Back the Right – Two House Democrats and two Senate Democrats are on a mission to nullify a recent US Supreme Court decision which prohibits survivors or patients from suing the makers of complex medical devices if the FDA has approved their sale. Numerous lawsuits have been dismissed since the Supreme Court ruling; some of which include a woman who was burned internally from a device meant to reduce menstrual bleeding, a man who sustained internal injuries from a prostate treatment device, and several others injured by faulty joints or heart implants.
Seriously? Get Out of Here – Just a day before Obama’s much-anticipated Ottawa visit, the Canadian government had to fend off two Russian bombers flying in our no-fly airspace. Apparently, Moscow mocked us in our indignation and disregarded Canada’s repeated warnings. Not nice.
World’s Longest Nails + Car Accident = Broken Record + Broken Heart – Lee Redmond of Salt Lake City, Utah has been the reigning Guinness World record-holder for the world’s longest nails until this past month. Poor Lee was involved in a car accident which shattered her record long nails. Prior to the accident, Lee’s nails, growing steadily since 1979, measured a combined length of 8.5 metres, with the longest nail on her right thumb, measuring 89 centimetres. Firstly: how does one with such long nails function on a day-to-day basis? And secondly: I hope Lee is doing OK and has reacquainted herself with the joys of opening pop cans and scratching her nose.
Good One – Queen’s University does good by naming a campus building after Robert Sutherland, the first black man to graduate from a university in British North America and the man who brought Queen’s back from the brink of financial ruin. A campaign run by student leaders and a groundswell of support from alumni and the community resulted in Queen’s administration finally naming a building in Sutherland’s honour. Originally from Kingston, Jamaica, Sutherland graduated from Queen’s in 1952 and went on to become a successful lawyer. At his death, Sutherland left all his money to the university, which equalled its annual budget and saved Queen’s from a possible amalgamation with the University of Toronto.
Did You Know? – Did you know that toilet paper made from recycled paper products can be made for the same cost as new toilet paper made from trees? So says the New York Times. So recycled toilet paper is rougher – big deal. It’s the fibre taken from standing trees that gives new toilet paper its extra softness. So we kill trees for toilet paper that’s extra soft, when we could be using the exact same product derived from recycled sources. Really, this is North American consumerism at its worst. It’s downright sh*tty. And yes, you should feel bad the next time you purchase 3-ply.
The Watercooler is a monthly feature written by Ottawa lawyer AAK!