Lawyers have an obligation to ensure their clients look appropriate when going to court. You’d never say, “Before we go in there, you’ll need to look more, I don’t know, flashy.”
Does this obligation extend to a client’s form of transportation? If we’re talking about suped-up cars, the answer is probably yes.
By “suped-up” I’m thinking of modifications such as fake chrome vents, clear-lense brake lights, and giant rear wings (shopping cart handles, my friend calls them). To be clear: I don’t take issue with all car tuning. Modify engines, upgrade brakes, hang a pine-tree deodorizer from the mirror. Those tweaks — arguably — improve your car.
It’s a different story for the spoilers, fins, skirts, vents and scoops you see added to some cars; the ones that would have embarrassed Liberace. It’s not just that they look silly (style is a personal question). From an objective point of view, these changes are problematic. Much of what adds a “racy” look translates to added weight, increased drag-coefficient, compromised outward vision. Bad. A spoiler kit that scrapes over speed bumps: bad. A muffler only slightly quieter than a sound cannon isn’t muffling.
Bottom line: Expressing one’s individuality shouldn’t be at the expense of a properly functioning car.
What’s behind the urge to modify one’s car? Anthropologists say it has to do with sex. It’s called the “Road-Peacock” theory. While that might explain motivation, I blame popular media for encouraging people to act on their base instincts. On that score the MTV show Pimp My Ride has a lot to answer for. The problem is global; did you know there’s an Arabic version of the show aptly called Spoil Your Car?!
P My R isn’t the only enabler out there. There’s The Fast and The Furious. Also, 2 Fast and 2 Furious. Plus, Fast & Furious, Fast 5, and Fast 6. (I agree, dear reader: blameless in this whole thing was the delicate period drama The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Beautifully paced and introspective).
Realistically, it’s not a lawyer’s duty to protect all the Chevrolet Cavaliers on the road. But what if you could help even one? Something to consider.
Paul Rand is a Toronto-based in-house capital markets lawyer who loves cars. At the time of publication, he has no demerit points on his licence.