For me, the hardest part about working at my firm is that I can’t be myself. I hate that I have to be a different person when I come to work just so that I can “fit in.” I wonder what is the worse that could happen if the real Jenn showed up to the office?
— Android Jenn
I looove your question, Jenn. Authenticity at work is an issue that many of us non-conformists, characters and originals struggle with. Without knowing you, it’s difficult to say what the fallout would be if “the real Jenn” showed up to the office. I might get some flack for saying this, but I believe that the more junior you are, the less latitude you have to be yourself, insomuch as your self differs from the norm. Conversely, the more power, respect and credibility you have at work, the more license you have to be yourself.
As a baby associate, I found it stifling and frustrating to have to transform into an undifferentiated corporate simulacrum of a human being to fit in with prevailing firm culture. Because I encountered many Android Jenns at the office, it only increased the pressure to be Android Sandra. I find it interesting that many of us complain about this, yet we are all complicit in creating the very culture that stifles us. Like it or not, a certain measure of subjugation of the self is necessary to succeed in most workplaces, especially law firms. It’s a question of whether one can stomach the practical imperatives of self-preservation.
Generally, law firms remain conservative, stuffy and hierarchical, mostly because lawyers take themselves too seriously. I have had occasion to observe new associates during orientation at three law firms in Canada and the U.S., and I have never seen anybody engaging in the self-destructive act of being authentic. Even before anyone of consequence enters the room, conversation is minimal, conducted in hushed tones. Laughter is muted, all difference banished. Associates stand around stiffly, their arms pinned to their sides, trying to ignore the free food and suppress thought-crimes. I’m being a tad facetious, but authenticity can come at a high price. Who defines the norm? He’s sitting in the corner office.
Jenn, you cannot change your firm’s culture. You need to be in a safe space — literally and figuratively — to be authentically yourself. You can risk failure while being authentic or you can adapt until you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. It’s not all grim utilitarianism. The good news is that maturity, influence and leverage will increase your comfort level. Adapting to firm culture requires merely that you accept that culture for what it is: not a threat to your individuality, but a set of prevailing customs, attitudes and social conventions that set the standards of behaviour.
Are we disingenuous to covet the privileges that a legal career can deliver while scorning the culture that makes them possible? Jenn, maybe checking your authenticity at the door when you go to the office is neither a burden nor a moral failing. Maybe it’s just a survival strategy that we all use to adapt, as we would to any environment requiring adjustment to our natural mode of conduct — like church, the jungle or the principal’s office. What you need to decide for yourself, though, is if it’s really worth it.
Sandra Rosier is a former Supreme Court of Canada clerk who has worked at large firms in Toronto and Boston. Having come to her senses, Sandra currently works as a tax advisor at a Toronto-based organization. Her etiquette column for lawyers appears every other Monday at lawandstyle.ca. Got a question for Sandra? Email us.
Photo by Duchamp