Meh. Ho-hum. November is that blah month sandwiched in between Halloween and the holiday season. Besides Remembrance Day – always an important calendar landmark – not a lot happens.
This past November, however, was chock-full of bizarre-o events. From violence targeted at red-heads to bestiality detector tests; from elaborate pranks (of the non-violent variety) to President Bush’s terrier going Cujo on a reporter – please read on to find out what you may have missed during the month-that-was November.
What’s next – Pants a Geriatric? – Wow. This just goes to show how ridiculous and stupid people can be. Several Facebook groups have cropped up touting November 20th as ‘Kick a Ginger Day‘ – encouraging people to go around attacking people with red hair. For a laugh. Just cuz. Amazingly, there were several accounts of bone-headed middle and high school students in BC and Alberta acting like complete savage sheep, kicking the bejeezus out of their poor redheaded counterparts. Yeesh.
Ask Me Anything – If you’re going to apply for a job with the Halifax Regional Municipality, be sure to prepare yourself to answer some pretty personal questions – like whether you’ve engaged in such things as tax fraud, domestic disputes, drugs, or… sex with animals. Yup, you read right. Applicants are subjected to a polygraph and a 40-page list of questions, like whether or not you’ve engaged in bestiality. The Nova Scotia Union of Public and Private Employees has filed a grievance on behalf of two city workers who felt humiliated by the test and were subsequently turned down for new jobs. The recruitment process is currently under review. Um…yeah.
You Call Yourself An Adult – Lovesick and clinically depressed teenager, 13-year-old Megan Meier, committed suicide by hanging herself in her bedroom closet after her MySpace “boyfriend”, Josh Evans, also known as the creepy mother of a school friend, told her that the world would be better off without her. Lori Drew, the mother, defended her actions as a response to Megan’s comments that her daughter was “ugly” and a “lesbian”. Drew was charged under the Computer Use and Fraud Act with one count of conspiracy and three counts of accessing computers without authorization. She faces up to one year of prison and a fine of $100,000. Prosecutors decided to charge Drew for violating the terms of MySpace’s user agreement, which prohibits the use of false names, harassing other users, and soliciting personal information from minors.
Stuff Does Happens There – Thousands of meteorite fragments were found around the small Saskatchewan city of Lloydminister, after several reports surfaced of people in Alberta and Saskatchewan seeing a bright flash across the big prairie sky. Researchers say that the fireball that streaked across Western Canada on November 20th was likely a 10-tonne fragment from an asteroid.
Enthused About ‘Meh‘ – Meteorite debris from outerspace crashes into Saskatchewan! Meh. Its meaning: an expression of indifference and boredom. HarperCollins has decided to enter ‘meh’ in the 30th anniversary edition of its dictionary, due out next year. While the origin of the word is unknown, there is little doubt that ‘The Simpsons’ is responsible for catapulting it into the mainstream. In the episode, Homer asks Bart and Lisa how they feel about a family vacation and the two respond with a resounding: “meh.” The best part is how HarperCollins really gives its dictionary readers a clear understanding of the meaning of the term. One of the listed usage examples states: “The Canadian election was so meh.” Couldn’t have put it better myself.
Oh No, You Didn’t – I love a good prank. An elaborate one, where no one gets hurt. And if someone does get hurt, it’s got to be some big faceless, soulless corporation that manufactures guns or something. You know what I mean. Violent crimes: terrible. Releasing thousands of multi-coloured balls down the Spanish Steps in Rome: kinda neat. Anyway, this falls into the latter category. The Yes Men, a long-time liberal prank group (Who are these people? And how can I join?) created a sophisticated replica of the New York Times with the main headline shouting: IRAQ WAR ENDS. The faux paper also included hard left articles on topics like the passing of a maximum wage law, the enactment of national health insurance, the indictment of President Bush for treason, and evangelical churches providing sanctuary for Iraqi refugees. More than 1.2 million copies of the 14-page spoof were printed and distributed in Manhattan.
Senseless – So we all know that the economy is in shambles, and everybody loves a good bargain. But this is truly deplorable: crowds at a Wal-Mart in Valley Stream, NY bum-rushed the doors, taking them clean off of their hinges, shattering the glass, trampling a Wal-Mart maintenance employee to death. 34-year old, Jdimytai Damour, sustained fatal injuries after being crushed into the black linoleum tile by the stampeding mob. At the height of the tension at 4:55 a.m., the crowd of impatient shoppers, waiting for the store to open, was 2,000 strong.
Bad Food is Good to Me – Strange. Minimal to little coverage in the Canadian media about this. Michel Lapointe, known to most as Big Mike, was granted early parole due to his 450-pound frame and the discomfort he experienced in his too-small prison cell at Bordeaux Prison in Montreal. He was unable to sit in his chair and his body 
extended beyond the mattress and frame of his bed by six inches on each side. Big Mike was sentenced to 5 years in jail for drug trafficking and conspiracy, but due to the poor nutritional standards in prison, his weight kept ballooning. His transfer to two other prisons was denied.
Mock Me Not – Sensing that his days of gourmet treats prepared by a personal chef and potty stops in the White House Rose Garden are quickly coming to an end, President Bush’s Scottish Terrier, Barney, snips a chunk out of the finger of a Reuters reporter who attempted to pet the furry monster. Perhaps Barney was expressing his owner’s administration’s sentiments towards the free press? Just asking.
Rest In Peace – Iain Beaudoin, 28, suddenly passed away this past month. Iain was a second-year patents associate at Borden Ladner Gervais LLP in Ottawa. He was also a loving husband and father. Never one to get mussed over the little things at work, colleagues could always rely on Iain to be chill and approach even the most stressful situation with his characteristic wry sense of humour. Rest in peace, our dear friend. We miss you.
The Watercooler is a monthly feature written by Ottawa lawyer AAK!