Well, kids, another month of summer has sailed by. Hope you haven’t been slaving away in an overly-air conditioned office, staring out the window, wishing that you were able to enjoy the most heavenly of seasons. And if you have – fear not. There’s at least another month and a half left. Make the most of what you can during your evenings. Have dinner on a patio. Sneak some beer into the park. Live a little. This past month has proved to be a hodge-podge of pop cult news. From workplace anger, Barbies, travel advisories, Kevin Costner’s environmental foreshadowing, and a flock losing its academic shepherd, July has been a varied and interesting month. Please read on to find out what you may have missed during the month-that-was: July.
Rage Against the Machine – You can tell from that subtle, yet alarming eye-twitching and forced smile that John down the hall is suppressing something similar to what he felt on the commute to work. Only this time, John’s at the office and flipping the bird and speeding off aren’t an option. So John’s frustration is exhibited in other ways: passive-aggressive door-slamming, being rude to the mail guy, or simply head-butting the source of his woe. Whatever the subtle or not-so-subtle response, it now has a handy-dandy name: “desk rage”.
36-18-33 – Barbie regains her social status as queen bee in Mattel’s suit against MGA Entertainment, the manufacturer of Bratz dolls. A California court ruled that Carter Bryant, the creator of the Bratz line, was under the employment of Mattel when he conceived the idea for Bratz. The defence attempted to sway the court with testimony from Bryant’s mother, maintaining that “mothers don’t lie.” The court thought otherwise.
Watch Your Step – More and more lawyers are seeking a holiday that includes visiting an exotic locale while testing the limits of their endurance. Please consider the following cautionary tale before you book your next GAP adventure: While traveling in Peru, an Alberta woman steps on five caterpillars and gets stung on her barefoot. She experiences a sharp pain coursing through her leg and develops a headache. Instead of seeking immediate medical attention, she grits her teeth and the pain subsides some 12 hours later. Upon her return to Canada, she finally decides to seek medical help to address the excessive bruising on her leg. Canadian doctors consult their counterparts in Peru to get more information about how best to treat the woman’s condition. She dies some 48 hours later before the anti-venom treatment arrives from Peru. Simple moral of the story: always, always wear shoes and don’t try to be a hero. Go see a doctor ASAP.
Do Whatever We Want? Sure. – The Chinese government saying they’ll do one thing and completely going in the opposite direction. The world should be used to it by now. The month leading up to the Olympics is off to a fantastic start. Irrespective of promises made by the Chinese government assuring foreign media freedom upon their successful Olympic bid, foreign reporters have endured otherwise. NY-based Human Rights Watch released a report detailing accounts of foreign journalists in China being subjected to surveillance, harassment, scare tactics, restrictions, and threats to their health and safety.
Thanks A Lot – Our provincially-elected officials disappoint yet again in their inability to agree on a national plan to tackle climate change. C’mon, Dalty! Broker, broker, broker!
The Lord Giveth and Global Warming Taketh Away – A nearly 20 square-kilometer chunk of the Arctic ice shelf has broken off. We’re in a vicious cycle where we crank the AC to deal with the heat, end up contributing to increased energy consumption and pollution as a result, which compels us to crank up the AC even more and so on and so forth…sigh…Kevin Costner, aka The Mariner (psst: check out the earring!) – you were so right. 
Definitely Not a Massage – Normally the equation of adding heat and stones together conjures up thoughts of a hot rock massage to the typical associate in desperate need of some relaxation after countless hours spent hunched over a computer (most of us know this fate well). But in this case, as with the giant chunk of ice shelf now floating free in the Arctic ocean, heat and stones are yet another negative effect of global warming. Meaning that the increasing temperatures will also account for an increase in kidney stones in people who live in warmer climates. So along with the greater likelihood of the box-office loser, Waterworld, becoming a reality, we’re also going to see a lot more people who look very, very uncomfortable. Touché, Costner, touché.
Frat Boyz Unite – You can take the frat boy out of the fraternity house, have his father arrange opportunity after opportunity, enforce a favorable electoral result (irrespective of the popular vote), fabricate reasons to go to war, get re-elected by running a smear campaign, and maintain your close-knit staff of advisors (aka your boyz club), but you can’t take the fraternity out of the boy. George W. Bush, admittedly the most charismatic fool who has ever led the world’s most powerful country, called over the Side-Part at the G8 meetings by hollering: “Yo, Harper”. Ahhh…GWB… you slay me with your kooky antics.
Rest In Peace – Randy Pausch, a Computer Science professor at Carnegie Mellon University, died at the age of 47 from complications of pancreatic cancer. His participation in Carnegie Mellon’s ‘Last Lecture Series’ was beyond poignant as he had already received the news of his terminal illness. His lecture has been youtubed by millions. He has appeared on Oprah. He has written a book. Pausch only had his three children in mind when capturing his message, but his legacy has inspired us all. Thank you, Professor Pausch.
PS: Take some of your vacation time. You deserve it.
The Watercooler is a monthly feature written by Ottawa lawyer AAK!