The days are getting shorter. The leaves are starting to turn colour. Slowly, but surely sweater weather will be upon us. With the Democratic Convention, McCain announcing his female running mate, and Harper testing the waters for an autumn election, August has been a very political month – notwithstanding the various controversies that emerged one by one during the Beijing Olympics. No doubt China put on a first rate show, but no amount of fireworks, costumes, gold medals, or perfect pint-sized performers masked the governing regime’s ironclad methods of control. From Clay Aiken’s first born, to a move to save the environment to a fugitive who once took cover as a mime in Ireland, this past August has certainly produced some of the most memorable in news. Please read on to find out what you may have missed during the month-that-was: August.
In Bad Taste – Fresh from the horrific Greyhound tragedy, animal rights group, PETA, launched a publicity stunt in supreme bad taste, attempting to place advertisements in the local Portage La Prairie newspaper likening the events that happened on the Greyhound bus to the treatment of animals being slaughtered for consumption. Like Bill Maher who dressed up as the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, for Halloween only 2 months after Irwin’s untimely death, it’s far too soon to provide such comment. 
Most Auspicious – In Chinese culture, the number 8 is the luckiest of all. That’s why Clay Aiken’s baby is one lucky son of a mother (who by the way, was impregnated through artificial insemination). Born on 08/08/08 at 8:08 am (I kid not), we should all take turns bringing little Clay Jr. to the craps table.
This is Pretty Bad Too – Not nearly as horrible, but still exercised in bad judgment and definitely hitting a nerve, Spain’s men and women’s basketball teams posed for Olympic publicity shots with fingers stretching out the corners of their eyes to mimic the characteristic of Asian eyes as more slender in shape. What happened to celebrating sport and not making a mockery of a significant part of the world’s population? Three words: shameful, discriminatory, and just plain rude.
Beijing or Bust – If you’re going to piss off a people, then do not mess with China. China’s meticulous planning for the Olympics was both impressive and a wee bit scary. From the opening ceremony to winning gold after gold, China really did succeed in showing the world that they are a global force to be reckoned with. But no matter how thorough the planning and execution (and you can bet your craps earnings that they planned like there was no tomorrow), the Chinese authorities could not control everything (surprisingly) and one by one the salacious tidbits began to emerge in the international media.
Starting with – Aside from the tragic stabbing of two tourists, a young American woman named Ann DeWaters died when she fell into an open manhole en route to her hotel in Beijing. There was minimal to zero coverage on DeWaters death, which happened on August 4th – mere days before the start of the Games. Coincidence that none of the foreign media picked up on this story? Or conspiracy…?
No Jig to Follow? – I thought there was something weird about the young girl singing during the Olympic opening ceremony – something about the way she was lip-synching…like every movement of her lips and all her facial expressions were too carefully planned. And then came the media storm about the young balladeer not being the real girl behind the singing voice. The voice belonged to 7-year old Yang Peiyi, who was cast aside in favor of the pint-sized Ashlee Simpson-in-training, 9-year old Lin Miaoke, who was judged by government officials to be the cuter of the two. Such cruelty at this level is simply laugh-out-loud ridiculous. The reason for the callous swap, explained government officials was “for the national interest” – umm…what? And the quote from the brass is worthy of headshake: “The child on camera should be flawless in image, internal feeling and expression.” Ah quoi? The P.R.(opaganda) machine was working overtime with quotes from young Yang Peiyi saying that she thought using her song was enough. I think kids are great and smart, but there is no way a 7-year old would be capable of such diplomacy and humility without some reinforced coaxing. And you and I both know that poor little Yang Peiyi is probably going to have a complex for the rest of her life.
A few more quick controversies about the Games:
- Not Exactly – The children featured during the opening ceremony as representing China’s 56 ethnic groups were not who commentators said they were. In fact, the majority of the children were from the Han majority.
- A Dancer No More – 26-year old Liu Yan, one of China’s best classical dancers fell down a 10 foot shaft during a rehearsal for the opening ceremony, landing on her back and resulting in paralysis from her chest down.
- Shame – Having designated protest zones in Beijing during the Olympics was a big crock of excrement. Marred in bureaucratic red tape, no one who applied for a protest licence was granted one. There were no approved protests. And the ones that did happen, resulted in arrests and “re-education” sentences. Check out this story about two septuagenarians who were sentenced to re-education after they protested the demolition of their homes (to make way for the Games) and the paltry compensation they received.
No Licence to Drive [or] Foolproof DD – A Texas woman gets her 12-year old daughter to drive her to the bar.
Touché, McCain, Touché – Republican party leader, John McCain , announced that Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin, will be his running mate in the upcoming U.S. presidential election. That’s all fine and dandy (way to wrangle the Hillary voters, McCain!), but any more blahblahblah about Obama’s inexperience should be silenced when considering Palin’s thin resume.
To Keep In Mind – Harper is itching at the bit for an autumn election. For a friendly reminder of all the programs that the Harper government has kiboshed, click here.
Lead The Way, London! – And in this instance, I mean London, Ontario – not London, England. Not normally known for being avant-garde, London, Ont. has instituted a ban on the sale of plastic bottled water at all city-run facilities. Scott Tabachnick, a spokesperson for Coca-Cola Inc., the producers of Dasani bottled water, has criticized the move, stating that “[i]t’s hard to bring your kitchen sink with you”. Indeed you’re right on that count, Scott. But dare we ask: what about filling up a reusable bottle? That ain’t too hard now, is it?
Really?!? No Way – Bernann McKinney, the American woman who paid $50,000 to South Korean scientists to clone her dead dog (a story in and of itself), has admitted that she is actually Joyce McKinney, a fugitive on the run for over 30 years after being charged with kidnapping and raping a former Mormon missionary boyfriend, and living on the lamb for a while as a deaf and mute mime in Ireland. You can’t make up a story this good.
Rest In Peace – Sandy Allen, the world’s tallest woman at 7 feet 7 ¼ inches, passes away at the age of 53 from multiple organ failure. An ambassador of goodwill, Allen spent her life educating children on the tolerance of everyone. Rest in peace.
The Watercooler is a monthly feature written by Ottawa lawyer AAK!