April: the month that brings showers in anticipation of next month’s flowers. This past April has seen growth and progress in some areas (iPhone – welcome! Wal-Mart – is that you?) and anger and protest in other areas (flying hedgehogs and the Olympic torch run). Please read on to discover the bits of news that happened during the month that was: April.
The Trendy Release Collective Sigh of Relief – So Canada is finally getting the iPhone (huzzah!), but how long before someone gets all litigious over broken promises (“It won’t take the crusts off my sandwich!” “Why won’t you say ‘I love you’ back?”) – much like Chandra Sanders, a Texan who claims
that Apple knew that its new iMac screen only displays 252,144 true colours instead of the “millions and millions of colours” as promised in their ads.
Assault with a Prickly Weapon – A man in New Zealand is charged with assault using a weapon – namely a hedgehog that he lobbed at some kid.
Dude is Having a Baby – Leave it to Oprah to bring a man pregnant with baby into the mainstream. Thomas Beatie, a transgendered individual, who now lives as a man, retained his uterus for the purpose of one day carrying his child. You have the requisite equipment? Then we say, more power to you! Have your baby and grow your beard too. It’s your body and your life. Go forth, multiple, and be a great parent! (Watch the clip, here.)
Decrease in Sponge Bob Centrepieces – Steps forward in some areas (the end of gendered gestation – booyah), but steps back in others. A law in Arkansas was recently repealed that permitted anyone at any age to marry (a teensy oversight by legislators who intended the minimum age to be 18). So even though a man can now get pregnant, looks like babies will have to wait for their turn to crawl down the aisle. Sorry, rugrats. Guess you’ll have to go through childhood, adolescence, and puberty before being able to divide the household chores with the ol’ ball-n-chain.
WTF?!? – A man gets life in prison for waving a separatist flag in front of the Indonesian president. Alright, so don’t mess with President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, but come on – this is ridiculous.
Flame of Shame – The Olympics: a time when countries around the world come together to honour the triumphs of sport and athleticism. But everything leading up to the event? Fair game to highlight the atrocities of the Chinese government. Protestors around the world are banding together to snuff the Olympic torch as it’s being relayed from country to country. From London to Paris to San Francisco to Nagano, dissent follows the torch as a reminder to the world of China’s track record amidst attempts in overdrive to spotlight only the prosperity and progress of China.
Cos It Grows On Trees – A recent audit of the Federal Department of Natural Resources revealed that taxpayers were footing the bill of $500,000 in wasted wireless deals that were negotiated by individual civil servants for their BlackBerries and cell phones. One in every five of these employees was not required to have such a device to carry out their job.
Yoink – A Finnish tourist totally crosses the line by trying to take a piece of a Moai statue (you know those big volcanic heads on Easter Island). He gets fined $17K and is forbidden to return for three years.
Thanks to Bad Press, Hell Hath Frozen Over – Retailer giant Wal-Mart backs off from trying to take money away from a former shelf-stocker, who suffered brain damage in a car accident that killed her son who just returned from duty in Iraq. Due to a clause in its health and benefits plan, Wal-Mart entitled itself to recoup expenses for medical costs after successful lawsuits. But due to widespread bad press, Wal-Mart has now modified its health plan to allow more discretion in its cases. Great move, Wal-Mart – how your heart grows.
The Watercooler is a monthly feature written by Ottawa lawyer AAK!