May is a hop, skip and a jump away from summer. People are generally in a better mood in May – even on Bay St. – because they know that summer is coming. The long, dark months of winter have been replaced with the promise of sunshine, some vacation time, and all the other wonderful things that are associated with a season that is much too brief in beauty and length. But before we get lost in the weeks of summer ahead, let’s recap all the madcap that happened during the previous month. Please read on to find out what you may have missed during the month-that-was: May.
I’ll See You in Court, Eiffel Tower! – Jonathan Lee Riches has attempted to literally obtain his namesake by suing the famed French monument, as well as a motley crew of other inanimate objects, historical figures, present-day people, and deities. Named the World’s Most Litigious Man of 2010 by the Guinness Book of World Records, Riches also made sure to sue the record-keepers at Guinness, whom he claims have no right to publish his “legal masterpieces”. Other defendants sued by Riches include the Wu-Tang Clan, the Magna Carta, Google, Che Guevara, Britney Spears, Plato, Emilio Estevez, and the Nordic Gods.
What About Jughead? – Even perpetu-teen, Archie Andrews, has been affected by the economic crisis. Choosing money over puppy love (and really good cakes, cookies and pies), Archie proposes to Veronica and leaves second-string sweetheart, Betty, in the lurch. Good-bye jalopy, hello best table at Pop Tate’s and Smithers-driven limo.
Check Out Those Melons – No, seriously. Check them out. In step with Archie, produce in Japan are also feeling the effects of the recession. The Yubari Melon, an orange-fleshed melon that is only grown in a small town on the northern island of Hokkaido, is the most coveted of melons. Last year, the first two ripe Yubari melons fetched a cool 2.5 million yen, which is about US$26,000. I kid you not. This year, the first crop of Yubaris yielded a scant 500,000 yen, or US$5,2000. Firstly, I like to call these melons cantaloupes. Secondly, writing about this story sickens me.
Trying. Not. To. Breathe. – This is too funny for words. A plucky office worker decided to embark upon the task that no one wanted to do: clean out the lunch room fridge. Once she began, the aged (and undoubtedly fuzzy) contents of the unplugged fridge, combined with the cleaning chemicals she used, created such noxious fumes that seven of her colleagues were rushed to hospital and 28 others were treated for vomiting and nausea. The office building was evacuated and firefighters and a hazardous materials team were called in to handle the mess. What happened to the enterprising office worker who started it all? Nothing. She was completely unaffected by the whole incident. How? Her sense of smell had been nullified by nasal surgery some time ago because of allergies. Ha! Too funny.
Super Kid – Yeah, kids are cute, but most of them are pretty helpless. Or are they? Case in point: Seven-year old Elizabeth Kazza drives her family’s crushed jeep, along with her four-year old brother in tow, to find help after their vehicle rolls over in an accident, which flings her father out the window, instantly killing him. Elizabeth astoundingly drives for about five kilometres before a passing motorist stops to help. Amazing. She is a Super Kid.
The Watercooler is a monthly feature written by Ottawa lawyer AAK!