We’re through the thick of the holidays – and if you’re like me (“Sure, I’ll take seconds”… “Sure, I’ll have another slice”), you’re a little thicker in the middle too. But c’est ok, that’s what the holidays are for – the 4 Gs: gorging, grazing, gravy, and giving. Here’s a rundown of the bizarre-o bits of news you may have missed (while busy stuffing your face, like moi) during the month-that-was: December.
🙁 – With its growing GDP and abundant oil and mineral reserves, Russia attempts to dominate new territory: the smiley emoticon! Just about everyone uses smileys now and again (extra points if it’s in an email to an equity partner), but a Russian operator of mobile advertising, Superfon, has registered the winking smiley with a dash-nose: ;-), which prevents other commercial organizations in Russia from using the emoticon and other smiley variants – without dash-nose: 😉 and 🙂 – lest they pony up an annual licence fee to Superfon in the sum of $10,000. Incroyable.
Crafty, But Not So – A 28-year old Sarasota man in the midst of a high-speed chase with police attempted to create a diversion by calling 911 and reporting an armed robbery several blocks away. The crafty ploy almost worked when police turned around to investigate the call, but other officers continued to tail the man into a parking lot at which point he decided to pull out his illegal firearm. Way to go.
No Abstention from Firecrackers, No Love – In an effort to dissuade men from setting off dangerous fireworks during New Year’s celebrations, a group of women in Naples, Italy, launched the “Se Spari, Niente Sesso” group – translated as: “If you shoot, no sex” [insert junior-high-stupid-boy-joke here]. Tired of the frequent accounts of accidents involving maiming, paralysis, and sometimes death, the group has banded together to deprive their husbands of some lovin’ if they stubbornly persist to play with firecrackers outside instead of creating fireworks a la casa (ba-dum-dum…I’m here all week).
Noooo….My Eyes! – Lactating mothers, 11,000-strong around the world, rallied together and changed their Facebook profile pics to display them feeding their infants the way God/Creator/Xenu intended. In protest against FB’s decency standards, which prevents users from posting pics of the human breast that include the nipple or areola (oh my!), some 87,000 members of MILC (Mothers International Lactation Campaign) orchestrated a single day of protest, which included some engaging in the offensive act outside of Facebook headquarters in Palo Alto, California. In an online world where surfers are routinely subjected to the silicone squeeze and pout of bottle blondes, isn’t it a breath of fresh air to see real women taking back their womanhood? Discuss.
Yay! It’s OK Now? – In law school, you always heard the rumours of who was taking what to “get ahead”, but now academic experts from Stanford University are now making the case that taking Ritalin before your Evidence final is no different than eating a bran muffin or getting some shut eye leading up to the big day. Really?
Civil Servants Collectively Cheer – Hahaha…Yust yoking…sort of….Hasbro drops their lawsuit against the Kolkata brothers, Jayant and Rajat Agarwalla, who created Scrabulous, an electronic take on the popular game, Scrabble, that was prominently featured on Facebook and mostly played by American and Canadian users. The court documents did not specify a reason for the withdrawal, but many surmise that Hasbro’s requested changes of Scrabulous (including its name) sufficed.
Noooo….My Eyes! Part Deux – A group based in Paris, with growing chapters around Europe, known as Le Clan du Neon, skulk around Paris and switch off offensive neon lighting on storefronts, arguing that said lights pollute in two ways: (i) they waste electricity and (ii) they mask the beauty of the stars…ok, that’s kind of hokey AND it’s trespassing, but I think it’s a neato movement and mildly badass. Watch the YouTube footage to see how easy it is!
The Watercooler is a monthly feature written by Ottawa lawyer AAK!